The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
