Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
