just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Less talking, more tequila
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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