Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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