I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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