I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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