so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He felt like a one man threesome
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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