Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
