People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
