she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
