I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
