Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
