I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
