Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
