let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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