Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
