Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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