At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
