Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
