McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
