My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i'm inner monologue high
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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