I accidentally had phone sex last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
