Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
