at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
