I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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