I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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