When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize