People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
