Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
