And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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