tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
