Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize