i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
