Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
