I won't be sarcastic... just naked
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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