just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
