I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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