also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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