Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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