May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize