I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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