mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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