my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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