He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
