I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
