my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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