i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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