is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
