The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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