He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need moral support for this bender
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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