dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
