Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize