Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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