i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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