Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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