Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
